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IHM9TO5 is free online therapy for shitty bosses and annoying co-workers. Anonymously post your complaints, rants and pathetic office stories void of guilt and judgment. You hate your boss...tell us more. Sleeping with executive assistant...please share. Welcome to IHM9TO5. We're a safe haven for ALL your office truths.


1 week 2 days ago

I was laid off from a job I'd had for more than 10 years, and finally found a new job, which I love. Except for my boss. She is FAMOUS for targeting people one at a time and verbally attacking them behind closed doors when no one else is around to hear, and ultimately driving them to quit, or harassing them until they start to make mistakes, whereby she fires them, and moves on to a new target.

She's successfully eliminated 5 people over the past 6 years. It seems to be a hobby for her. I'm not a target yet, but I know I will be one day (because everyone gets a turn!), invariably for some petty little insignificant thing, since that's what she focuses on.

She can't get her own job done in a normal workday because she spends all her time scribbling notes about petty little infractions (completely imagined) that we worker bees have committed, and searching for things she can write people up for. She also snoops around my desk and writes comments on notes I've written to myself to remember to call people back, etc. I have no doubt she's read my emails, looking for some dirt. I NEVER send personal emails from work, for that very reason.

We are helpless to do anything about her bullying, because her nearest superior is a thousand miles away, and ignores cries for help. In fact, calling the head office to complain about her actually makes things worse, like it did for the person I replaced. It got her fired.

She does not allow any of us to go to lunch together (fearing we might talk about her, maybe?). God help us if we use our work cells for even one personal call (even though she does all the time, as she has no personal phone). DON'T EVEN THINK about glancing at the newspaper that is delivered every day, because that's "stealing company time". If you are a minute late coming back from lunch, she'll note it, and bring it up in a few months when she is berating you after hours. If you think you can eat at your desk while working in order to leave early, you can forget it.

If I didn't need a job, I would quit so fast. It's such an oppressive, depressing place. At least when she's there. When she's out of town, it's a total party. She would FREAK OUT if she knew what went on there, how we all try to find ways to get her fired, or think she's losing her mind...

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

2 weeks 7 hours ago

My boss constantly micromanages everything I do. Recently she requested I take notes in a “Cornell notes” format. Confused I said, "You want my PERSONAL notes in this format?” She replied, "Yes, it will improve your productivity." She wants me to take notes like a college student. I'm 45 years old and annoyed as hell.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

2 weeks 2 days ago

My narcissistic, likely alcoholic boss told me I had to present a "business case" to replace the work cell phone I've had for over a decade. PS - I work for the phone company.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

2 weeks 5 days ago

Today my boss asked me if I could remove my braces because their distracting.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

3 weeks 4 days ago

I’m a low-end manager at a video store. No one buys videos anymore.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

3 weeks 5 days ago

Ok, we're in an extreme blizzard and I'm still expected to work from home all week. My boss insisted on not canceling any of our meetings so we've been meeting all week via phone. I have a two year old running around so of course she's on these calls too. Why are these people so damn ANAL! My boss had the nerve to say, when someone didn't call into our meeting like they were supposed to, "I thought when we work from home we ACTUALLY work from home". Is it that serious lady? He's obviously thinking the same thing most of us are thinking...free day bitches!

Work from home, really? How about I'm done for the day, f*ck that 4pm call. Thanks for the extra day off asses...

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

3 weeks 5 days ago

My girlfriend and I work together at a grocery store. We make up code names when we want to have sex during our shifts. Like “Grab the melons” or “Spill in aisle #4”.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

3 weeks 5 days ago

My co-worker and I constantly pretend to shoot each other over our cubicle wall. One day our supervisor observed our gunfight and asked us to behave appropriately in the office. Soon after we were called to HR to discuss how hypothetical gun use can endanger the work environment.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 1 day ago

I just started a new gig. The girl who's training me is a complete bitch. She always seems mad at the world, acts like she doesn't want to train me, and she jumps, as if she's startled, every time someone says her name or needs something from her. I mean, do you really think you're going to go the whole day without ANY requests?

You're at work, get over yourself. It's sad because she exemplifies the "black girl attitude" I see on tv. Most black girls I know don't fall into that stereotype...but she makes them look real bad. I totally can't wait for this training to be OVER!

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 1 day ago

Today I absentmindedly swallowed the eraser on my pencil and started to choke in a staff meeting. My co-worker attempted to perform the heimlich maneuver, throwing me on the conference table and humping me like a whale. I thought I was going to die.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 1 day ago

For bring your child to work day I had one employee bring their foxtrot terrier to the office. The miniature beast took a piss in my fake tree. I love my fake tree.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 2 days ago

I’m a staffer for a neurotic Congresswoman. On my first day on the job she insisted that I wash my hands 72 times. She claims "cleanliness” is part of her campaign. I think she’s OCD.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 2 days ago

I accidently sent my boss a nude picture from my blackberry (It was meant for my boyfriend!). He replied thank you and nominated me for a promotion.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 2 days ago

I just spent a fortune on going to fashion school. The only job I can get is at a local thrift store.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 2 days ago

I’m 6 months pregnant and I thought I was doing a great job of hiding my status. When I finally shared the news with my director he shouted “Thank God. Your sudden weight gain was unsightly."

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 2 days ago

Someone keeps stealing my lunch at work. I’m starting to hide old Chinese food and tacos in the refrigerator. Eventually the person will die.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 3 days ago

I just graduated from college and I’m looking for a full-time gig. Out of desperation I started working as a maid. On my first day I had to clean the most disgusting hoarder house ever. There was a huge dump in the toilet and the kitchen smelled like rotting cabbage.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 3 days ago

My parents think I work at a pet stop. My afterschool job is at a sex shop.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 3 days ago

I work for an investment bank and my boss thinks it’s hilarious to call us mini Madoffs’. I want to stab him in his esophagus.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 3 days ago

I’m a gym teacher and ALL my students are unbelievably obese. Last week I had a fat kid’s parent call and tell me to stop torturing her 12-year old. I made him run 4 laps (1 whole mile) and he started to cry.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 5 days ago

After a stressful work day I like to treat myself to ice cream. The last 7 days I’ve eaten ice cream for dinner.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 5 days ago

I work at Ruby Tuesday and when customers don’t tip well I walk past their tables and fart loudly. Sometimes I giggle.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 5 days ago

My boss looks like Perez Hilton (i.e. complete douchebag) Every time he says "Good Morning" I want to draw on his face with markers.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 5 days ago

Sometimes I take naps in my cubicle under my desk

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 5 days ago

I’m a cocktail waitress at a sports bar. During the play off season my customers get little more rowdy. Yesterday I had a drunk man grab my breasts and call them king size footballs. Now everyone is calling me touchdown.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 5 days ago

I’m in charge of tours at an aquarium. When annoying preteens visit I make up incorrect facts about marine life like dolphins eat people. Usually they believe me.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 5 days ago

Today I started my job as a cashier at the Gap. When I arrived the manager told me “You work at the Gap, not Wal-mart. Buy new jeans immediately”.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

4 weeks 5 days ago

Sure, we live in the "land of the free" - but not really. My boss and other office cronies look over employees' twitter postings (even outside office hours). So by simply following "i hate my 9 to 5" could literally cause me to lose it. Even though I do hate it. Sad, pathetic, but totally true.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

6 weeks 5 days ago

I’ve worked at my office for 4 years. My name is Kristen. My boss calls me Kelly.

...I hate my 9 to 5.

 

7 weeks 5 days ago

My boss is a bitch. Despite this I was sadden to learn she was going to die. One day in the elevator I overheard two employees say she was “changeable and moody because of her cancer”. I decided to stupidly ask about her current health status and offer my condolences. After a confusing conversation and me re-hashing the elevator incident I realized my boss is not dying. Her zodiac sign is cancer.

...I hate my 9 to 5.